Why, god, why?

The lady who lives downstairs from me is mobility-impaired. She seems very nice. In my head, I call her the "cripple-lady" - I know this is wrong, insensitive and a terrible thing to do, but I don't know her name and that's just what I call her to myself. It is not meant as an insult or anything.

My insensitivities aside, she has a little dachshund. When I asked her about it, she said she wanted "a little lap doggie". I don't know about this woman, but I would never let that beast anywhere near my face, or any part of my body, for that matter! This dog is a baleful hellhound of bloody dismemberment. I would almost think it was cute, were it not a dachshund-shaped manifestation of pure evil.

This dog barks, growls, spits at, and actually attempts to attack anyone who is not the cripple-lady. Even her husband is not safe from its wrath. Once, when they first moved in, I was bitten by the demonic canine. Fortunately, I was wearing jeans and its vile fangs failed to penetrate my skin. However, I would be lying to you if I said the "little lap doggie" doesn't make me very, very nervous.

They frequently allow the beast onto their porch, where it may threaten the populace without real supervision. While it cannot escape the confines of the porch (as it is securely tied to something inside the apartment by its ever-present leash), it is free to run back and forth along the inside of the porch, barking, growling, foaming and bearing its glistening-white teeth at anyone who dares take out the garbage or go to the car.

At first, being the animal lover that I am, I thought that perhaps cripple-lady's beloved pet was just cranky and having a bad day, or intimidated by strangers or something. I have learned that this is not the case. This dog, if it can even be called that, really is as vicious as I described above, and it is like that ALL THE TIME.

My question is, why? Why does it hate the world and all things in it? Is it something about dachshunds? I'm currently leaning strongly toward the theory that the "dog" is in fact nothing more than a dachshund-shaped manifestation of pure evil, as I mentioned earlier. However, I am open to alternative hypotheses. If you can think of another plausible explaination for this behaviour, please, let me know! Oh, and don't bother with the "little dogs don't know their own size - they know no fear" thing. This goes waaay beyond "little dog" syndrome. Remember, this abomination actually bit me! For absolutely no reason! I was returning to my apartment, minding my own business when it leapt off cripple-lady's lap and sprang toward me, dragging it's leash behind it and viciously attempted to taste my tender flesh! If cripple-lady's husband hadn't heard the commotion and come running to my rescue, the beast might still be attatched to the bloody remains of my leg.

Black is for sissies

Whoa, it's been a while. It seems my blogging comes in fits and spurts, sorry.

Well, the semester has finally, officially been wrapped up. The end was marked by my submission of a paper just moments ago. Yes, the paper was submitted after grades were turned in. I don't understand it either. Then again, I don't understand most things about that class, or that professor. On the bright side, the paper is actually what I think turned out to be a brilliant expository piece on what makes a good educator. Not to toot my own horn here (because I'm BLARING it!), but it is a rather well-worded treatise. If you would like to read it, email me and I'll send it to you. I'd hate to bore the masses with my handful of pages worth of pearls! Pearls, I tell you!!

My sweetie flew home to El Paso today for Christmas, as is his custom. His flight was very early and I got stuck in terrible traffic on the way back from the airport. It sucked. It sucks more that this is our fifth Christmas together that we'll be spending apart. I realize that some couples aren't even married as long as we've been dating, and it seems cosmically unfair to me that those people get to have Christmas together but we don't. Meh.

Anyway, since we won't be seeing each other on Christmas, we did our gift exchange last night. I GOT SOME SWEET LOOT!!! My offerings of a snappy-looking shirt, A Brief History of Time, some mad money and a really cool computer game that his machine may not even run (I didn't know that when I bought it) pale in comparison to what he got me - a GameCube!!! The man who swore he would never defile the sanctity of his gaming center with a Nintendo product actually bought a GameCube for me, AND he set it up! During Thanksgiving, I spent an unhealthy amount of time playing various games on his brother's GameCube, and lamented the fact that I didn't own one. He listened! And, boy, did he deliver! Not only did I recieve the missing console in our trilogy, I also got decals! My GameCube is no ordinary, plebian console. It is a pink cube of power! (Click on it! Click, damn you! Marvel at the beauty of my machine!)
I also got an extra "Party" controller (in a festive blue color), and something I hope to god is a microphone and not a Nintendo vibrator, and Mario Party 7. These all came with the console in what was called a "Party Package". I also received the two games I wanted - Animal Crossing and Legend of Zelda: Windwaker! Yay! And I got two memory cards and a warranty and stuff. All in all, I made out like a bandit! In fact, I think I'm gonna ditch you punks and go play right now! The salvation of Hyrule, erm, I mean, my fictional little sister cannot wait!

Exciting New Experiences!

Today, (more accurately, yesterday), I had 3 finals and a presentation. I was...busy. I survived, my GPA probably intact, but I crammed my brain so full of information that after the last test, it turned to mush. Completely liquified. This "brain overload" has happened before, but not to such a degree.
Most, if not all people have mastered the multitasking skills required to eat while continuing to breathe. It could be argued that this is a necessary life skill. For a few fateful moments today, I was incapable of coordinating these two basic tasks. I actually inhaled cake into my nasal cavity. Yellow butter cake with chocolate icing, to be precise.
Yes, there was (and perhaps still is) cake in my nose! How can I be sure? I was sneezing cake crumbs for about half an hour.
Yep, I felt pretty sexy.

Just thought I'd share that.

Er kotzte wie ein Reiher

Apparently, the title of this post means "He puked his guts up" in German. As I don't speak German, I can't verify this as true, but the internet told me so. It's part of the translations provided as a courtesy by the German government to the British people who will be attending a large soccer tournament there. I'm not lying to you.

Who needs a massive Christmas lights display that is sychronized to a rock-athem by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra? You do! Quick, steal this idea before your neighbor does! Really, I'll bet the people who live across the street from this guy feel like chumps!

Kringus

There you have it, a real, live Kringus. I am very pleased that my cats do no yet do this. I mean, that's just creepy.

Those comics are rather funny, and they're from PvP. I think they get bigger if you click on them, so do that. Scott Kurtz, creator of PvP, went to UNT, and I believe he still lives in the Dallas area. Yay, alumni!

Sorry posts have been few and far between recently, it's the end of the semester and all, and I've been busy. "I've been busy", that's like my catchphrase for this year, it seems!

Yesterday was a certain someone's birthday, so we celebrated last night at Master Grill, Churrascaria. It's a Brazilian-style restaurant, kind of like Fogo de Chao in Addison. It was cool, but there wasn't a lot for me to eat. I thought they'd have shrimp or fish or something, but not so. Just a whole bunch of guys in funny pants carrying around large skewers of meat. Apparently, the meat was very good, so I'm glad the carnivore in my life enjoyed it.

However, at almost $30 a person, I need more than a fairly large salad bar to keep me happy. So, in the end, I got the chef to specially prepare me some tilapia (I know, tilapia is like the ramen noodles of fish, but it's all they had.) The chef, who either had a hearing problem or a heavy accent, not sure which, offered to prepare the tilapia in any way I wanted - but then didn't list any options for me. How do I know what he has back there in the kitchen??? He's the chef, right? I figured he could put all that culinary school training to use and come up with something for me. I ended up with two beautifully presented, nicely grilled, COMPLETELY UNSEASONED tilapia fillets. No sauce. No spices. Not even salt. Sprigs of fresh parsley and cold asparagus were artfully arranged over totally bland, slightly dry grilled fillets.

I'm sure all the staff were very amused that a person with food preferences like mine decided to eat in their restaurant. In fact, I'm pretty sure it became a joke. Luckily by that point I'd had two glasses of wine, and life was pretty great all-around. The desserts were really good. And they had a harpist. So that was cool.

Festivus

The holiday season is in full swing, and I've heard some interesting news. Can you think of a better time for an "all-out war" over semantics than this, the season of joy and peace? I know I can't!

I read the other day that a Christian group is fighting to put the "Christ" back in Christmas. They've even hired an army of mercenary-lawyers to aid their cause. Essentially, it seems they object to the phrase "Happy Holidays" (instead of "Merry Christmas") as used in greeting cards and store advertisements. Also, they are offended by the notion of "holiday trees" replacing Christmas trees.

They argue that this holiday season is really about Christmas, not any other holidays. As such, they believe that all retailers should use "Merry Christmas" advertising, and for people who do not celebrate Christmas, a spokesman said "Tough luck. This is a primarily Christian country, and we celebrate Christmas." I can tell he's just oozing tolerance and love for mankind, there.

I think it's great that people celebrate Christmas. And Hanukkah. And Kwanzaa. And Ramadan, when it happens to be in December. (I'd never fast for a month, but hey, if they want to, I'm happy for them!)

I think that the Christians who are concerned about the "Happy Holidays" trend have every right in the world to send "Merry Christmas" Christmas cards, have giant "Merry Christmas" nativity scenes in their front yards, and decorate Christmas trees while singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". I do not think they have a right to threaten legal action against stores and local governments for using "Happy Holidays" advertising and erecting "Holiday trees".

Another thing about the trees....

The spokesman for the Christian group mentioned that Chirstmas trees are just that - a Christmas-only tradition. Therefore, he argued, calling one a "holiday tree" is ridiculous, as conifers are not used in celebrations of other holidays. I beg to differ with him on this point.

It is my understanding that the whole tree idea is, in fact, a pagan one. Evergreen plants have historically been seen as symbols of the sun and everlasting life, and were reputed to ward against witches, ghosts, evil spirits, and illness. Naturally, such handy plants were kept around, draped over doorways and otherwise prominently displayed during the cold, dark, and illness-ridden winter months. It seems that many non-European cultures decked the halls in winter, including the Romans and the Egyptians.

While the Germans were the first to jump on the Christmas-tree bandwagon in the 16th century, Americans used to be considerably more restrained in their Christmas celebrations. In 1659, the General Court of Massachusetts enacted a law making any observance of December 25 (other than a church service) a penal offense; people were fined for hanging decorations. This no doubt stemmed from Oliver Cromwell's preachings against "the heathen traditions" of Christmas carols, decorated trees, and any joyful expression that desecrated "that sacred event". (Yes, Oliver Cromwell was British. Americans weren't the only ones who were uptight about Christmas.) But, back to the trees, as late as the 1840s Christmas trees were seen as pagan symbols and not accepted by most Americans. It was only the "bad influence" of German and Irish settlers that finally lightened the holiday mood this side of the pond.

So, if you have a tree, a wooden pyramid with pine branches on it, or just a couple of palm fronds, display it proudly, and call it whatever you want!

*Most of the information in this post was ripped directly from The History Channel.