Monster Mash
Okay, I'm taking the gloves off and jumping, bikini-clad, into my sister's relational mudpit.
Here's the deal:
She has a Facebook, and a Myspace, just like everyone else (except me because I'm not an emokid). Regrettably, she uses the same, blindingly stupid password for everything that needs a password. This is a mistake on her part. Her boyfriend found her Myspace and became suspicious, because, you know, she has friends on there. Friends are bad, because they might tell her that he's a loser. So he gets all upset, and starts snooping, and finds she has a Facebook. Granted, it's not like she's keeping this a big secret - I knew she had a Facebook, even though I don't have one and have never seen hers. He "hacks" her Facebook (basically, he guesses her pass1word - oops, I mean password) and finds she's been talking to her ex-boyfriend.
What to do, what to do? It's also no secret that she's been in off-again on-again contact with said ex, but on a strictly friends level. The conversations he's unearthed are not scandalous confessions of love and passion - they're benign conversations about work, bands, etc. We are faced with a dilemma.
Obviously, finding out your girlfriend is having conversations with her ex behind your back is not good. However, knowing the exact content of those conversations, it's easy to see there's nothing going on here. How can we handle this situation?
Well, I'll tell you! We could:
A) bring it up and talk about it. Say "I noticed (avoid mentioning the snooping and the hacking) you're talking to so-and-so again. I'm really not comfortable with that, because he's your ex. Can we talk about this?"
or B) deactivate her Facebook account and get steaming mad and throw a huge fit.
Pop Quiz: What do you do?
Well, if you're my sister's boyfriend, you pick "B". "B" is the new "C"! (inside joke, sorry!)
Seriously, he's acting like a feces-flinging primate, here. My sister is not his property. He can stop acting like an angry silverback any time, now.
I'm not thrilled she was talking to her ex - he's a loser, and there is a very long list of reasons why he's her ex. But that doesn't excuse her current boyfriend's behaviour. This isn't the first time he's been confused about the "relationship vs. ownership" thing. In fact, if he'd let her have some friends, maybe she wouldn't need to be sneaking conversations with people over the internet!
My sister sure can pick 'em. I think it's deliberate on some level. You know how everyone hated Kevin Federline, and then Brittney Spears divorced him and went ballistic, and suddenly K-Fed (or Fed-Ex, my personal favorite of his nicknames) started looking like an emotional giant, without actually changing anything? This is like my sister and her relationships. She wants to be emotionally mature and responsible, but that takes work, and let's face it, it's kind of a hassle. So, instead, she just dates guys who are, for lack of a better word, complete fucktards.
So that's it, they're both wrong. Wrong in this situation, wrong for each other, just plain wrong. So why won't she break up with him and move on? Why does she actually try to defend his behaviour? I mean, sure, every girl is stupid about relationships when they're young, and oftentimes we put up with stuff when we're 16 or 17 that we'd never tolerate when we're older. Basically, we grow up. But my sister isn't 16 or 17 - she's 22. The longer she spends with this loser, the less time she'll have to spend with someone who will actually love and respect her. Not that I'm saying she's ready to jump into a healthy, happy relationship with an emotionally stable and supportive person, but she's certainly not moving in that direction with her current boyfriend.
But, for all my fire-breathing, there's absolutely nothing I can do. This is the now-familiar sensation of having to sit back and allow her to fail.
Here's the deal:
She has a Facebook, and a Myspace, just like everyone else (except me because I'm not an emokid). Regrettably, she uses the same, blindingly stupid password for everything that needs a password. This is a mistake on her part. Her boyfriend found her Myspace and became suspicious, because, you know, she has friends on there. Friends are bad, because they might tell her that he's a loser. So he gets all upset, and starts snooping, and finds she has a Facebook. Granted, it's not like she's keeping this a big secret - I knew she had a Facebook, even though I don't have one and have never seen hers. He "hacks" her Facebook (basically, he guesses her pass1word - oops, I mean password) and finds she's been talking to her ex-boyfriend.
What to do, what to do? It's also no secret that she's been in off-again on-again contact with said ex, but on a strictly friends level. The conversations he's unearthed are not scandalous confessions of love and passion - they're benign conversations about work, bands, etc. We are faced with a dilemma.
Obviously, finding out your girlfriend is having conversations with her ex behind your back is not good. However, knowing the exact content of those conversations, it's easy to see there's nothing going on here. How can we handle this situation?
Well, I'll tell you! We could:
A) bring it up and talk about it. Say "I noticed (avoid mentioning the snooping and the hacking) you're talking to so-and-so again. I'm really not comfortable with that, because he's your ex. Can we talk about this?"
or B) deactivate her Facebook account and get steaming mad and throw a huge fit.
Pop Quiz: What do you do?
Well, if you're my sister's boyfriend, you pick "B". "B" is the new "C"! (inside joke, sorry!)
Seriously, he's acting like a feces-flinging primate, here. My sister is not his property. He can stop acting like an angry silverback any time, now.
I'm not thrilled she was talking to her ex - he's a loser, and there is a very long list of reasons why he's her ex. But that doesn't excuse her current boyfriend's behaviour. This isn't the first time he's been confused about the "relationship vs. ownership" thing. In fact, if he'd let her have some friends, maybe she wouldn't need to be sneaking conversations with people over the internet!
My sister sure can pick 'em. I think it's deliberate on some level. You know how everyone hated Kevin Federline, and then Brittney Spears divorced him and went ballistic, and suddenly K-Fed (or Fed-Ex, my personal favorite of his nicknames) started looking like an emotional giant, without actually changing anything? This is like my sister and her relationships. She wants to be emotionally mature and responsible, but that takes work, and let's face it, it's kind of a hassle. So, instead, she just dates guys who are, for lack of a better word, complete fucktards.
So that's it, they're both wrong. Wrong in this situation, wrong for each other, just plain wrong. So why won't she break up with him and move on? Why does she actually try to defend his behaviour? I mean, sure, every girl is stupid about relationships when they're young, and oftentimes we put up with stuff when we're 16 or 17 that we'd never tolerate when we're older. Basically, we grow up. But my sister isn't 16 or 17 - she's 22. The longer she spends with this loser, the less time she'll have to spend with someone who will actually love and respect her. Not that I'm saying she's ready to jump into a healthy, happy relationship with an emotionally stable and supportive person, but she's certainly not moving in that direction with her current boyfriend.
But, for all my fire-breathing, there's absolutely nothing I can do. This is the now-familiar sensation of having to sit back and allow her to fail.
posted by thejessicat at 10:44 AM
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